134 days ago I quit tobacco. Dipping tobacco to be precise, and yes it's an incredibly disgusting habit, I know. The first week or two was annoying of course. Drowsiness, irritability, the inability to focus. It sucks the motivation out of you, but I was trying to push through. Unfortunately, at around 30 - 40 days in I caved, but this time I didn't go back to tobacco, instead I bought a cheap pack of 4mg nicotine gum. Several hours and pieces of gum later I finally felt relief. I was awake, focused, and felt almost as competent as usual. Now I could work and focus without feeling like I wanna rip my own skin off. This was the beginning.
Nicotine Gum
For 3 months or so that beginning transformed into another stint of addiction. A less potent addiction, but still an addiction regardless. You see, from my repeated experiences of switching back and forth between gum, tobacco, cigarettes, vapes, etc, I've noticed that tobacco is a lot more addictive than nicotine by itself. Now to be fair everyone is different and we all have different brain chemistry and genetic makeups. Your mileage may vary, this is just my experience. For example I remember years ago switching from normal menthol cigarettes to a nicotine vape. I don't remember the details of the vape, but I tried several different juices, one menthol, a few fruity ones, all of an average strength from what I remember. I hated it. No matter how much I used it I felt like I could not get the same hit I'd get from regular menthol Camels, Senecas, or Marlboros. Basically it was weak as fuck. So a month or two later (give or take) I threw the vape away and quit vaping and nicotine altogether. Back then the reason this was easier was because I was deep in my alcoholism phase. I'll write a separate post about that later 😬
Why Does Tobacco Feel More Addictive To Me?
I did a little bit of research and what makes the most sense to me is this: Tobacco contains antidepressant chemicals known as MAOIs or Monoamine Oxidase Inhibitors. Nicotine does not contain these chemicals as it is a seperate specific chemical itself. Now I've never taken a prescription antidepressant drug in my life, but I've definitely heard some withdrawal horror stories about people who go off of their meds cold turkey. Concerning tobacco this makes a whole lot of sense to me now. There were several times I tried to go cold turkey off of dipping tobacco and experienced the most ungodly depression one can fathom. A depression I can't even put into words. One particular withdrawal seriously made me want to die. Quitting nicotine gum on the other hand, while not easy necessarily, was a walk in the park by comparison.
The New Quit
As of writing this now I am 20 days nicotine-free and I feel pretty damn good I must say. The only thing bothering me is I've had to catch up on my sleep so much because of course the usage of any stimulant drug negatively affects one's sleep terribly.
Random facts: Nicotine functions as a defense mechanism produced by the tobacco plant to deter insects from eating it. It is neurotoxic and poisonous to humans and animals. It also has a history of being used as an insecticide.
Voluntary Stress
The feeling of nicotine is odd. To me it's sort of like being relaxed, but empty inside. Or laser-focused, but full of anxiety. And yeah I'm aware that this combination of examples makes zero sense, but experiences vary. Apparently nicotine triggers the "fight or flight response" in a similar way that caffeine does. The "fight or flight response" is necessary for human survival, but the problem with it being active all the time is it creates unnecessary stress. In modern society we use this stress to work instead of using it to hunt or escape from dangerous animals. And of course the more unnecessary stress we are exposed to, the more likely we are going to cause damage to our health. But damage is par for the course with a drug like nicotine I suppose.
Spiritually Dead
This might sound odd, but there was another side effect of tobacco and nicotine use that I noticed: It drains my spirit. Now that might sound like nonsensical hogwash to you, and if so I totally get it. I'm not a religious person myself. I am agnostic. I have to say though, there have been strange coincidences and moments in my life where I was taken aback and completely in awe of the beauty of nature and existence as a whole. Surreal moments that make me question everything I think I know. There are times when a song feels like a spiritual experience and even just the simple act of breathing feels divine. On nicotine it seems like all of that is gone, or maybe that feeling is just subdued somehow and a lot less noticable. I don't know what this phenomenon is, why it happens, or why nicotine seems to negatively affect it, but I've experienced it. Maybe I'll elaborate on that topic a bit more in the future. For now I'm gonna end this post here.
Parting Message
Hey there, if you've made it this far I want to say thank you for reading my rambles. Be safe out there and have a good one 👋🏻